The Myth of Discipling Children

Parents are clearly commanded in Scripture to instruct their children in the ways of the Lord. "...these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Parents are to be the primary spiritual instructors of their children. However, we've created a church culture that I believe has unintentionally told parents that the church can instruct their children for them. In the past 40 years we've seen an exponential increase in the number of paid youth and children's pastors in our churches. We've also seen a precipitous decline in the number of baptisms of children and youth. Is there a one-to-one corollary between these two phenomenon. I don't think so, but I do believe they are related.

There is a scene in the movie Top Gun that talks about why the US Navy created the Fighter Weapons School (aka Top Gun) in the late 1960's. The reason was that pilots in Vietnam had become overly dependent upon their technology and had lost their air combat skills, also called "dogfighting". Missiles had lured them into a false sense of security and they had forgotten the basics of being a fighter pilot. Top Gun was designed to help them recover those skills. I mention that because I believe "professional" youth and children's ministry has done the same thing to parents as missiles did to pilots in Vietnam. Parents have become overly dependent upon a youth pastor and a children's pastor to provide spiritual instruction to their children and they've lost the ability to do it themselves.

Now I'm not saying get rid of youth ministry or children's ministry. The US Navy didn't get rid of missiles just because their pilots had become overly dependent on them. They simply reinforced the idea that pilots also need to develop their air combat skills alongside the use of missiles. Similarly, we need to help parents take responsibility for the instruction of their children themselves, and to view the ministry of the youth/children's pastor as a supplement to what they are doing already in the home.

I don't believe that parents are ultimately to blame for the situation in which many of them find themselves vis-a-vis youth/children's ministry. I believe the church must take the lion's share of the blame. With the rise of youth/children's ministry we've sent a subtle, unintentional but powerful message to parents, "Don't try this at home! Leave it to the professionals!" Unknowingly we've communicated to parents that if they will get their kids to church, get them in children's ministry events, get them in youth ministry events, that their kids will be discipled. There are a couple of problems with this approach.

1. It's not biblical: God commanded parents to take responsibility for the spiritual instruction of their children, not abdicate that responsibility to someone else. A parent is not passing on their faith to their children if the only source of spiritual instruction that the child gets is from their youth/children's pastor. The faith that is being passed along is the youth/children's pastor's faith not the parent's.
2. It ignores parental influence: Many parents feeling like they have little or no influence in the lives of their children, especially if they're teens. As a result they think someone else can do a better job of instructing their children because they have more influence with them. This is simply untrue. Parents (regardless of whether their kids will admit it) are the single biggest influences on their children. A youth/children's pastor may spend 3-4 hours a week with a child, whereas that child will spend 30-40 waking hours with their parents in a week. A youth/children's pastor may spend 4-6 years with a child, whereas their parents will be their parents for a lifetime. From personal experience of over a decade in student ministry, no matter how close or influential I became in a student's life, I never overtook the influence of their parents regardless of whether that influence was good, bad, or indifferent.
3. It stokes the myth of the "hired gun": A study was done for a PhD project to determine who could better teach spiritual material to students, parents or youth pastors. Now, conventional wisdom would tell us that the youth pastors (i.e the "professionals") would have the advantage over the parents. Presumably they have had some sort of theological training (i.e. Bible college, seminary, etc.) whereas the parents likely have not. The teaching materials were distributed, the lessons taught, and after a few weeks the students were tested to see who learned the material better. Well shock of all shocks it was not the students who had been taught by the "professional" youth pastors who learned the material better, it was those who'd been taught by their parents. There is power in a parent instructing their children in truths that are important to them personally.
4. The statistics tell a different story: Latest stats tells us that 7 out of 10 students who are actively involved in church as juniors in high school (meaning they attend at least twice a month) will not still be active in church after their sophomore year in college. The empirical data simply does not support the argument that the best way to train children is to let the church do what God has called parents to do. The church cannot pray for church members who will not pray, it cannot read the Bible for church members who will not read, nor can it disciple the children of church members who will not disciple (at least not as effectively as it should be done). When parents do not take an active role in the discipleship of their children they are sending a subtle but unmistakable message to their children that spiritual instruction is not important. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

There is a disciple-making crisis throughout the church. Collectively we've lost the ability to make disciples and the understanding that this is Christ's intended raison d'etre for the church. I suspect that part of the reason that we've lost our focus on disciple-making is that we've stopped doing it at the most basic level, with our children. If the church is going to regain its God ordained mission to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19-20) then I believe it must begin in the home. Parents let's stop relying solely on the professionals and start using them properly (as supplements), and obey God's call to instruct our children ourselves.

A great resource for learning how to disciple your children at home is Voddie Baucham's book "Family Driven Faith". I don't agree with everything in this book, but it has helped our family tremendously. You can find it on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Family-Driven-Faith

Don't Listen to Godly Counsel, Always

You shouldn't always listen to godly counsel. When I say that I'm not saying you should instead listen to ungodly counsel. What I am saying is that even godly counsel, from spiritually mature people in your life, still comes from a human source and must be treated as such. I read something in Acts this morning that really jumped out at me. This is from Acts 21:4, "And having sought out the disciples, we stayed there [Tyre] for seven days. And through the Spirit they were telling Paul not to go on to Jerusalem."

I found this verse odd because here we have people who are giving godly, spiritual counsel that Paul is going to face trouble in Jerusalem. They are faithfully sharing the words that the Spirit has shown them to Paul, however, their interpretation of the meaning of those words is wrong. Paul knows that he must go to Jerusalem, regardless of the trouble that is awaiting him there. The Spirit had given these brothers insight into the trouble that Paul would encounter, but not into what He had commanded Paul to do.

Scripture doesn't say so, but it may be that these brothers had exceeded the instruction that the Spirit had given them. Yes, they had been shown that Paul would encounter trials and they were to share this with Paul, but they had not been told to keep him from going. Their genuine concern for Paul was at odds with the plans and purposes of the Spirit. We must remember that even godly counsel does not always have a complete picture of what God is up to because it comes from a limited source, that is another human.

Their counsel was helpful in that it prepared and steeled Paul for what was ahead. However, it was unhelpful because it sought to derail the purpose that the Spirit had for Paul going to Jerusalem. Whenever we encounter godly counsel that is at odds with a word or an instruction that we've received from God we must remember that ultimately we must obey God and not man. Paul could have used this counsel to avoid going to Jerusalem and no one would have faulted him for it. He could have justifiably claimed that he was listening to godly counsel. However, in his own conscience he would have known that he had simply used that counsel as an excuse to disobey God. We must guard ourselves from the deception of using godly, though incomplete, counsel to set aside a clear word from God in our lives. In such cases we must ignore godly counsel and listen to God Himself.

It Is Time

This excerpt is from Charles Spurgeon's devotional book Morning & Evening. This is the entry for April 1:

Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you. - Hosea 10:7

The month of April is said to derive its name from the Latin verb aperio, which means to open, because all the buds and blossoms are now opening, and we have arrived at the gates of the flowery season.

Reader, if you are not yet saved, may your heart, in keeping with the universal awakening of nature, be opened to receive the Lord. Every blossoming flower warns you that it is time to seek the Lord; do not be out of tune with nature, but let your heart bud and bloom with holy desires. If you tell me that the warm blood of youth leaps in your veins, then I entreat you, give your vigor to the Lord. It was my unspeakable happiness to be called in early youth, and I am thankful to the Lord every day for that. Salvation is priceless, let it come when it may, but oh, an early salvation has a double value in it.

Young men and women, since you may die before you reach your prime, "It is the time to seek the Lord." You who feel the first signs of decay, quicken your pace: That chest pain, that biopsy report, are warnings that you must not trifle with; with you it is definitely time to seek the Lord. Did I observe a little gray, a little thinning in your hair? Years are flying by, and death is drawing nearer by the day; let each return of spring arouse you to set your house in order.

Dear reader, if you are now advanced in years, let me entreat and implore you to delay no longer. There is a day of grace for you now—be thankful for that—but it is a limited season and grows shorter every time the clock ticks. Here in the silence of your room, on this first night of another month, I speak to you as best I can by paper and ink, and from my inmost soul, as God's servant, I lay before you this warning, "It is the time to seek the Lord." Do not make light of this; it may be your last call from destruction, the final syllable from the lip of grace.

WARNING: Offensive Content

Last week Yahoo! ran a story that had been picked up by other news outlets of a video that had found it's way on to the internet showing Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson clan of Duck Dynasty fame, speaking out against abortion. Some liberal news sources made a stink about it but the thing that I found most disturbing was something subtle, easily over-looked that appeared with this story on Yahoo!

Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson family, from A&E's Duck Dynasty

Just above the link for the video showing Phil speaking out against abortion was the following disclaimer, "Warning: Language might be offensive." After viewing the video I was left wondering, "What offensive language we're they talking about?" Phil did not use any profanity, course or suggestive language. He wasn't gross or hateful. He simply and honestly defended the right to life for the unborn. Then it hit me. Yahoo! had labeled his view that abortion was wrong as offensive.

It is now "offensive" to voice opinions that the culture does not want to hear. What's the best way to shut someone up? Label what they are saying as offensive and then censor it. Only a crude, crass, uneducated, knuckle-dragging Neanderthal would voice the opinions that Phil Robertson espoused, therefore they are offensive and can be dismissed and ignored. What we are seeing is traditional Christian views being put into the category of the lunatic ravings of the KKK, Al-Quaida, Neo-Nazis, etc., which makes it easier for the culture to ignore and overlook.

This shouldn't really surprise us though. This is exactly how the dominant culture in Paul's day treated the Gospel message. In fact Paul wrote of Christ being a "rock of offense" (Romans 9:33), and the gospel being "the offense of the cross" (Galatians 5:11). The gospel has always been offensive to those who are opposed to God. I believe that we will increasingly see the gospel and those who voice support for the gospel painted as "offensive" in our culture and pushed into the category of the lunatic fringe. However, we know that however much a culture tries to suppress the "offensiveness" of the gospel it is the power of salvation unto those who believe and not even the gates of Hell can prevail against it.

So no offense, but I choose to be offensive!

Here's the video in question.

God On Trial

We've all been moved by the images of what happened in Moore, Oklahoma, last Monday, and I've read more than a few comments asking, "Why God would allow something like this to happen?" The death and destruction seem so random and something in us cries out for justice. But I think a better question to ask is, "Why does God allow any of us to live?" The very fact that we are alive is a testament to God's mercy and grace. When people demand justice from God, I would warn them to proceed with extreme caution.

All that remains of the house we lived in for 8 years. The house was
located only a block from Plaza Towers Elementary.

If God was a truly just God, humanity would have and should have been wiped out generations ago. We are a sinful, wretched race that has continuously, consistently, and unceasingly defied the laws of God. Our rebellion against God should have brought total destruction upon us but God did not visit us with destruction. Instead He visited us with mercy in the form of His Son, Jesus Christ.

Part of our problem is that we have too high a view of man and too low a view of God. In our minds, the greatest injustice that could ever take place is an "innocent" human being killed. When in reality the greatest injustice is the dishonor given to a holy, infinite God by a sinful and rebellious humanity. If all of humanity were weighed against God, He still would have the greater value. He is God. He is eternal, infinite, holy, majestic. Man is not! When man is the center of the universe, then God must answer "Why did You allow this disaster to occur?" But when God is the center of the universe man must answer, "Why have you disobeyed my law?"

This is not to downplay the devastation that has taken place in Oklahoma. I am especially heartbroken because this was my hometown. Many places that were dear to my childhood (my old house, my grade school, my middle school) were destroyed in this tornado. I have many friends who either lost everything they own or they know someone who did. This is not an academic exercise for me, but something I feel in my gut. But I have to view things biblically and truth demands that we view the world from a God-centered perspective and not a man-centered one. Therefore when we ask, "Why did God allow this happen?" we are asking the wrong question. The better question is, "Why does God show mercy to any of us?" In the end, it is not God who will be on trial, but us!

Gone in Sixty Seconds

Once again this week I was reminded that so much that we take for granted and assume will always be there, may not necessarily be as permanent as we think. As we all know a massive tornado ripped through Moore, Oklahoma, this week. We were all shocked by the images of school children being plucked from leveled school buildings.

Rescue workers pulling a child from the rubble of what had been
Plaza Towers Elementary, the grade school I attended from K - 6.

But the images were especially poignant for me because you see Moore is my hometown and one of those schools that was leveled was where I attended grade school for 7 years. The house we lived in for 8 years was a block from the school, you could literally see it out the back door. As of Monday night, we don't know for sure, it is almost certain that that house and the entire neighborhood around Plaza Towers are gone. Two things that represented permanence and stability for me as a child (my house and my school) were literally blown away Monday afternoon. In an instant they were gone.

So much of what we build our lives on are just like my old house at 828 SW 10th Street or my old elementary school, Plaza Towers Elementary. They appear permanent and stable but in an instant they can be gone forever. Jesus said in Matthew 24:35 "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away." The only thing in this life that will never go away are the words of Jesus. So, what is your life built on? Are you banking on the permanence and security of things that will pass away or are have you placed your trust in the one thing that will never go away, Jesus Christ?

Everybody Needs a Hero

Everyone needs spiritual heroes. If you don't have one, you need one. "Why?" you may ask. The reason we need heroes is because we need standards to aspire to, people who have  gone before us and left us a model to follow. Spiritual heroes help us take the ideals of the Christian faith and put skin and bones on them. They help us "flesh out" what it means to be a follower of Christ.

Our ultimate hero is Jesus, but I also think it's helpful to have heroes who were just as human as us. Sometimes we dismiss Jesus' example by reasoning, "Well He was God in the flesh, of course, I could never live like that." However, when we have everyday men and women as spiritual heroes it demolishes that argument and helps us see that ordinary humans can live extraordinary lives through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I want to share the story of two of my spiritual heroes: Jim Elliot and Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

 JIM ELLIOT

 "He is no fool who gives what he cannot

keep to gain what he cannot lose."



Jim Elliot served as a missionary in Ecuador. When Nate Saint, a fellow missionary, made contact with a group called the Auca (a much feared and avoided tribe) Jim, Nate and three other missionaries  felt compelled to attempt to take the gospel to them. After months of planning they landed on a sandy river beach close to the Auca and made peaceful contact with three Aucas. But a few days later the entire tribe returned and speared Jim and the others to death.

But that's not the end of the story. Jim's wife Elisabeth and Nate's sister made contact with the Auca and eventually moved into the village of the people who had killed the men they loved. They began sharing the gospel with them and in time won the tribe to Jesus, all because Jim, Nate and the others "did not love their lives even unto death" (Revelation 12:11). As Jim wrote in his journal while still in college, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Jim inspires me because he willingly laid down his life for the cause of Christ. Jim knew the risks of going to the Auca, but he considered those risks worth taking if only he could preach Christ to a people who were destined for hell apart from the saving grace of the gospel. I pray that I will prize the glory of Christ higher than I prize my own life.

Jim's life story is told in Shadow of the Almighty written by his widow, Elisabeth Elliot.

The story of Operation Auca is told in Through Gates of Splendor, also written by Elisabeth Elliot.

DIETRICH BONHOEFFER



"When Christ calls a man, He bids

him come and die."

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German pastor and theologian. He worked tirelessly to try to open the eyes of Christians in Germany to the dangers of Hitler. He understood that if the church did not stand up to Hitler and the Nazi's evil ideology (even at the expense of its own blood) that Christianity was through in Germany and in Europe. Unfortunately, Bonhoeffer was largely ignored because most Christians were too intimidated by the Nazis to take a stand and his predictions came to pass.

Eventually, Bonhoeffer joined one of the resistance groups opposed to Hitler. He was already in prison for helping a Jewish family escape to Switzerland when an attempt was made to kill Hitler. Thousands were arrested after the assassination attempt and eventually the names of Bonhoeffer and one of his brothers and a brother-in-law were connected to the plot. All three were hanged by the Nazis only a few weeks before WWII ended. Bonhoeffer wrote in his  book Discipleship, “When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die.”

Bonhoeffer inspires me because he remained faithful to the truth of the gospel in the midst of a culture that was hostile to Christianity and exerted tremendous pressure on everyone to conform. The pressure to accept the Nazi's racial theories as compatible with Christian faith is similar to the pressure in our day to accept homosexuality as compatible with the Christian faith. I hope that I am able to stand firm, even at the risk of my life, and not compromise the truth for cultural acceptance.

The best recent biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer is Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy by Eric Metaxas.

Bonhoeffer wrote several books but the most read are Discipleship (sometimes called The Cost of Discipleship) and Life Together.